Apr 21, 2016

the pit

This is what it looks like.

You find that within you there is a vast, endlessly deep dark pit. It's damp and the starkness of the black makes your skin crawl. You are afraid of yourself. You are too much for yourself to handle, and you believe that no one else would be able to take you, either. You notice others who similarly carry that deep hole within them. You see it, and it makes you turn the other way in fear because you know what depth it is and you cannot deal with one more. Similar poles repel and two negatives attempt to navigate their magnetic fields around one another but the repulsion is overbearing, and you flee. And it makes you want to hide from others, too. You see positivity and you are drawn to it in an instant, but no, oh no, they will never understand, and you hate how your heart has zoomed ahead of you to cling to that light. You cannot do it. Now you have to reach out into that open space to grab your heart and bring it back. It leaves a rip; the heart wasn't ready to let go. But the light is too bright, it will always be uncomfortable on your eyes. Yet the darkness will consume you. You don't like who you are, you don't like that pit, but it is growing and soon the little rational man in your head will be unable to sidestep the hole. You are terrified by who you are becoming and you avoid those who are like you and you also believe no one will like what they see if you show yourself. It is easier to avoid human interaction altogether. It gets cold but you can wrap your arms around your shins and convince yourself it is sufficient.

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