is that not how you first feel when God makes His way into your heart? He uncovers every bit of your being, everything you have thought and said and did leading up to this point. You suddenly become aware of the filth, the meaninglessness, the blindness with which you’ve been leading your life, running with a trolley across a corridor crashing into walls, deliriously hopeless. You thought you knew, but you didn't. He shines His light on you and you are bare. You cry out in the tragedy that you’ve created for yourself, so ugly, so unworthy, no-
He covers your body with His light. All is enveloped in that white, it is all you see.
When you first experience the love of God you want to burst and say something to someone!, but fear keeps your mouth shut, your heart trembling and small. You are cautious when you speak to people. What would they think of me, what is this strange new thing. But you want to seek Him again, tiptoe tiptoe into the light, be swept away by that dazzling mercy. When you first encounter His community, drag yourself to fellowship because you know that’s where the Holy Spirit is, you’re shy tentative afraid, I don’t know any of this, I’m so new, I don’t know how to recite the verses and the prayers that they do. I’m a noob. The rest have that community love and you are a newbie to this circle. But God, but God, He is here, you will persist.