I've always wanted to get into the habit of leaving my door half-open whenever I'm in my room but also available. I like how Chris Tee does it because I know when I'm welcome to go in for a short chat, and when he doesn't want to be disturbed. Closed doors are less approachable.
But today I realised I can't do this open-door thing. When my door is open, my room spills out into the great big Outside, the suite's living room and all my neighbours and the corridor, and perhaps I feel like I need to expand to fill all that space. I end up feeling lonely with all the pairs of slippers outside my neighbours' rooms and all the voices through the walls (ikr, they're so happening), because I have opened myself up to the party, but no one's joining in. Actually I don't know. If someone pops by my room I'd generally also rather have the door closed anyway.
I don't know. It's absurd, I don't know how to describe it. But when I close my door I feel like I give myself a safe, comfortable space again. It's a bit like travelling alone versus travelling in a group of strangers you can't click with. Technically you're more alone in the first case, but in the first case I feel far less lonely, less small, because the quota is only big enough for myself.
When I close my door I am sufficient for the space. It is mine again, cozy and personal, not shared with everybody-and-nobody and the great big Outside. So I guess I'll be keeping it closed. But please feel free to come in for a chat - my heart's still just as open.