Mar 19, 2014

Sometimes you remember what you were meant to do

A few people have emailed me before to say that they found comfort in my writing because they resonated with the emotions I expressed. Some have become my friends. Some were really sweet, and one said I had inspired her to join ACJC too (that particular girl didn't email me, but she told a friend. On my birthday, she also said that I had inspired her "in every way one could imagine" - I don't know, it just meant so much to me.)

It's the one thing I aim to do with my life. I believe no hurt goes to waste, because it adds to your depth, and you can create beauty with it, too. And with all that I experience I want to find people who feel similarly, and similarly alone. I want to make people feel like I understand what they're going through, that I've reached into their own hearts and put it out on the screen. I want them to realise that the emotions that make us feel so helplessly misunderstood and alone are, in fact, emotions that are not entirely unique, and that make us beautiful. I want to make my words beautiful so that these people can see how beautiful our hurt can be. Sometimes just knowing that someone else truly understands does a great deal. (And I, too, want to know that I'm not alone.)

Sometimes I feel sad about not having experienced certain things because I can't write about them like I know them. If I tried, it would feel dishonest and pretentious, and perhaps some might even feel that I'm mocking their very private hurts. I want my writing to be raw and honest so that people don't feel like they're being cheated. When I say I understand, I want to really mean it. And sometimes I feel like if I had experienced things like eating disorders and self-harm and suicidal thoughts and a lot of other things, I might be more able to do what I aim to do. But it's okay, God is faithful and He has made me the way I am, and for all that I have experienced internally, I will make the best of it.

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