you

you are beautiful in every inch of honesty, in how you are willing to bare the deeper sides of yourself. you are beautiful because you are not afraid to admit your insecurities. and not many people are bold enough to do that. we like to talk about the things we're good at, or what makes us happy. but our fears, our fears eat away at us, and we don't want to associate ourselves with the words publicly because we don't want people to go "well, what makes you hope you're any better?" or "yeah, i guess you are such and such." i think i have an ugly face. and i don't talk about it much because i don't want people to go "you say that because you want people to say you aren't". or "what do you expect? you expect more of your face?". but you, you are brave. you are brave and your worries are just so weird because in my opinion you have absolutely no reason to feel that insecurity at all, and yet it seems so real to you.

at a birthday party recently, when i arrived, my tall and really skinny friend apparently whispered to my other friend "walao why's she so skinny, i don't want to eat anymore". just under an hour later when we were taking photos i said without thinking "dammit why do i look so ugly". there, there; we write our insecurities on little pills and we drop them here and there without realising. it shows. it shows.

you are beautiful because you are so open and honest about these things, and yet you are reflexive. you reflect on these thoughts and you know the beautiful reconciliations, and you articulate them so elegantly, too. i think writing is beautiful. turning your innermost thoughts, insecurities and reflections into written expression is beautiful. and your broken and tender heart, your heart so hidden in God, that cries out with these fears; as you spill those pills of insecurity you leave a trail of beauty, too.

yx