Nov 5, 2013

the reason for my blog url

So, in secondary school, I was a major fan of JJ Lin. My blog url was No kidding. I was, like, INSANE, screaming over him and always in the first row at his events and stuff. I really liked Chinese songs then too, so I've pretty much heard every popular Chinese song from 2006-2008. I loved the expressiveness of the Chinese language. I wasn't good at Chinese, but I loved how emotive the language was. So much beauty and meaning in every phrase.

When my one-year-nine-month long relationship ended in 2009, I could no longer take listening to any of the songs I had heard before. No more JJ, no more emotive lyrics, no more Chinese, no more slow songs; I couldn't take anything that allowed me to think, or worse, emote. I took to the overpowering beats of Lady Gaga and fast K-pop songs. Lyrics I didn't understand or that didn't mean anything; songs so noisy they drowned out my own thoughts and filled me with numbness. numbness was better than the waves and waves of pain that overwhelmed me as soon as a beautiful melodic phrase or lyric floated by.

So I had to change my blog title. I couldn't be reminded of my old music anymore. I didn't know what I could change my blog title to. I couldn't really think about what I loved anymore, because the only thing I loved that mattered enough for consideration was a person I didn't have anymore. The only other equally strong feeling I could think of was hate. And I thought about how I had such an aversion to any sort of meaningful music. Especially love songs. I couldn't stand those love songs. And that became my URL: born of hate, typed with spite; the ashes of love.

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