Oct 29, 2013

to the self-conscious

"For whom do you act, and who will pay attention to you?"

This is to you, to every self-conscious girl.
remember this whenever you spend half an hour wondering what to wear, when you freak out when you run out of contact lenses, when you won't be seen in town without make-up. Remember this every time you try to put up an act. When you try to be somebody you think other people would like more.

Think about your closest friends. They've seen you in your PJs and with your hairband and face mask on. They've seen the ugly sides, those beyond your appearance - the times you've shouted at them, said things uncharacteristic of a beautiful you. They've seen you cry and they know your every insecurity but you are still beautiful to them. Nothing you do will make them see you differently.

When those who matter see you as beautiful regardless, there's no point in fretting about how you look, especially when those to whom your appearance matters most are the people who don't really matter anyway. you dress up only for yourself: because you want to reflect your inner beauty, to remember to carry yourself with elegance and poise, to remember who you are.

You see me in unironed shapeless tees and FBTs more than you see me in schoolwear (which isn't that different, either: a random tee, shorts and slippers). My fringe could be up and my eyes could be swollen and you don't see me any differently. And when I've got a nice dress and make-up on and people say "omg karen you look so pretty today" i walk up to you wondering if you'll notice but you still do not - i am the same karen you see in the unironed tees and FBTs. (it's intriguing; i really wonder what things look like through your eyes). When I'm burnt black by spending a week in the sun, you don't make a single comment. When I fret over my specs and fringe all you say is "wtf karen". At times like these I remember, again, that nothing I do will ever make a difference anyway. I will never compare (no one ever will) and I will never earn the sort of compliments you give because you are completely unlike the others and I absolutely cannot fathom how you perceive things but it's fantastic anyway. and it doesn't matter, because I am your little sister and family disregards what other people tend to see. And that is extremely liberating.

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