Apr 3, 2013

Being Drew

I see you and I see God. I look at you and see nothing short of beautiful. I take in all that you are - beyond the side that laughs and smiles, beyond what everyone sees - and find beauty in your vulnerability. Sure, your soul's a bit of a mess inside, but so perfectly woven it's an intriguing mystery.

This is to the ones who love too much, who love in a way that no one else understands. A love that needs and needs to give, where we build each other up, filling each other's spaces and covering every weakness with gold. They usually misunderstand when we want so much of them, because they don't see how beautiful they are. Their beauty covers more love than what they think.

I need you, and I need you to understand, but you took it as a warning signal instead and left my heart raw. I look at you and you are everything I wish I could be. I see your maturity, your devotion, every little insecurity. I want to hold you and tell you everything I see, everything you can't seem to grasp about yourself. You're so... you're so perfect, even in your weak spots. I want to shield your heart from either extreme and give you everything you deserve. Perhaps more than I can offer - perhaps you're worth too much for me. Perhaps God has a better plan for you, another one to bring you up, but I need you too. We are polar opposites and I need you to teach me. I need your brain that works like clockwork with steely strength, that flawless design of your mind.

The worst thing someone can do is to bring another person away from their destiny in Christ, and I'm just afraid. I'm very afraid. Maybe I did something wrong along the way, or the horrible misunderstanding is turning His plan away. Maybe I'm trying to rely on my own strength, but I just can't give this up. God gave me you, and I can't let go. What more can I do but pray for Him to salvage what's left, to turn what's left around.

Do you see the beauty and the holes? Do you see the big misunderstanding that destroyed everything that was meant to be a flawless, pure philia love, one that never sought to bring either of us down? One that didn't mean to make you frightened and make me hurt with all the wrenching pain of one who loves? Do you see my pain, still, and my concern, wanting more than anything to see you truly shine, from the deepest parts of your heart that you've shut away? 


I could say almost the same things to you, actually; I find us similar in just about every way, and that's why we totally understand each other. We sigh when the other stumbles and shake our heads and ask why, but we know we might've done the same. We might've hurt the same. We're both so heart-led and love too strong and fall too hard for what we know is our own good, and that's why you're an indispensable friend, brother and guide. I look at you and I see the heart of Jesus; you might laugh at that, but you have no idea. You're an amazing pal, and I'm glad you let me rejoice at God's blessings for you and share in your pain.

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