Mar 24, 2013

Alone in a crowded room?

So I'm at Jollin's book launch. Her first poetry collection, Bursting Seams, will be available at BooksActually on 19 April. She was reciting her poems and I was just sitting there listening to them and it was so painfully raw and honest I was almost tearing up. Can't wait for the release of the book. It made me really want to sit down and think and look back and hurt and write out of the blood gushing out of me again. I don't know. I don't know if I'll be able to go back there. If I'll ever be anything like Jollin. I read her stuff and I just go shucks she's so beautiful it's crazy. I wonder if anyone will ever look at the things I write and feel the things I feel when I read her stuff.

But anyway, now I'm sitting in the room and Lixin's book launch is 1.5h after Jollin's and I just don't know what to do. It's terribly awkward when everyone is her friend and everyone's with their own group of friends because they all came in groups (or at least pairs) and they're laughing and taking photos and now her mum wants us all to take a group shot and I'm alone here nervously texting people about how awkward it is. HHHHEEELLLPPPPPP and there's this whole mix of emotions after hearing her painfully beautiful striking poetry and then sitting alone here twiddling my thumbs while everyone is laughing along with everyone else and walking around and I don't want to get caught in anyone's photos and like gah this is so awkward

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