Jan 26, 2013

I'll tell you a story about friend-love

I want our Hello / Good-bye hugs to be a few beats longer than a casual friend hug 
But never so long that it becomes a lover's embrace.
And if we were to be sitting on the same couch watching a movie
I might lean my left arm just a little bit against your right arm
But never would I put my head on your shoulder or try to hold your hand.
Because that would be weird.

(I think I am in friend-love with you)

I came across this post a while ago, and shared it on Facebook because I thought it was insanely sweet. And sad. I didn't really understand it, though, and never thought I would. Didn't think it was possible to feel something not just between the lines but both sides in full; anything more than a close friendship with someone who was only a friend. I just thought it was meant to be exaggerated. Not so realistic. But I knew someone who understood it very well, and I found it weird - an emotion I had yet to fathom.

It's funny when you think of a friend, that you think of as nothing more than a friend, and with whom you want nothing more, and you realise that words somehow seem inadequate to describe how you feel. Or that you'd rather not try to explain it, because it will always, always, be misunderstood. You don't know why you seem to enjoy his hugs more. Or why you just want to have a pointless chat, or you just want to hear his voice on the other line. It doesn't need to be a deep personal conversation; just a reassurance that your pal's virtually right there. Or why when things get more sombre it's suddenly bare, heart-to-heart, and everything else simply falls away. Why missing him takes all of one day. Why you like it when he pats your head. Why a simple comment stabs. Even if this friend isn't one particularly close to you, or one with whom you never run out of things to say. Why you absolutely love it when he speaks his heart, and you somehow remember it more clearly than other similar chats you have with other friends. Why he seems to be able to lighten your mood in all of two minutes, even if he isn't very tactful at doing it. Just being there. Why even when you're unhappy with something he said, his nervousness shows in the cracks and it just makes you want to smile.

I should definitely stop here, because I feel myself beginning to exaggerate already, and I know this has a huge potential to be taken the wrong way, but it's nothing like that. Maybe this is what people mean when they see their friend as a brother or sister.

Right now, I'm in the kind of mood that tells me it's time to go to bed and spend a long time swimming around in a sea of melancholy in my head.

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