My flesh and my heart fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
My grandmother told me about my aunt who had a terrible relationship with her mother-in-law right up till the death of the latter. My aunt was a Christian and had influenced her husband, and the husband's family hated that. Don't get baptised, said my grandmother. That way, if your husband was a Taoist or something, you could just convert, and you wouldn't land yourself in the same fate as your aunt.
The best thing to be, my grandmother said, was a free-thinker. That way, you could attend any religious festival. You could eat at a church or at a temple. You could pay your respects at a funeral with joss sticks or a prayer. So much easier, no conflict.
Faith was never the easy road. That's why it's worth anything at all - you believe in a God who loves you, and you want to spend your life loving Him, too. It's a high price to pay, but it's not about convenience. It's not about me and what's best for me. I'm no longer myself, I no longer live; Christ has taken my place in my life. It's about Him.
I said, well, why not? And he said I don't want you to take this road just because it's the easier one.
I made a difficult decision today. I decided not to take the easy way out. My life shouldn't be about me. I want He who is in me; I want to be His broken vessel.
I made a tough decision, and I hope I successfully stick through it, stay true to myself. I could have said yes and had a good time. It was so easy. So easy to linger in the comfort of limbo, or to make a convenient choice.
At worship today, I bowed my head and said God, I did this because I want to put You first. Won't You acknowledge it? Won't You come and be here with me? Is it worth it? Worth You?
And then the eleven-year-old sang:
I have a hope so sure; an anchor for my soul
My peace in the worst of times, I trust in God alone
Let every voice declare it now
My God reigns; His love will never fail me
My God reigns; He's ruling over all
In all my life, in every situation I know
My God is greater; my God is over all