It's a hard day for me. Tears ready to fall, a mind wallowing in doubt. I don't know if the recent decision I made was the right one. What if I had taken the other road? Would God still fulfil this goal He has given me, regardless of the route I decide to take? Why choose the path of pain? Is it necessary?
And at worship, I bow my head and say, God, why? Give me strength to do Your will... Am I suffering for nothing? Does it even matter?
And they sing.
This is my desire: to honour You
And later it comes, a song I sang while leading Chapel in school: Into Your hands, I commit again, with all I am, for You Lord.
It tells me that it doesn't matter whether or not God would have given me all the same blessings had I taken the other, less painful route. What matters is that I made the choice because I made my fear of God a priority, and that is a worthy sacrifice, and it's my thought process - how I arrived at this decision - that God sees.