Jul 22, 2012


I've been feeling like waves of fire have been hitting me recently. Waves and waves of debate and fiery questions with regard to my future university, my church and my faith, both directly by my friends and indirectly by posts online. Like arrows, each one deflates my heart a little.

It's not that my stand and beliefs are easily shaken. I know what I believe in; I can talk things out with people. It's just that one of the institutions is going to shape my tertiary education and my path ahead, while the other is the place where I have found God, and where He has moulded and changed my life. I love both tremendously. Although university hasn't even started while I've been in this church for four years, I find my home in both; in both I feel comfortable. I have dedicated myself to being a part of them.

And here I am, listening to what people have to say, telling me why my belief in them is unfounded, not right. Telling me that I need to wake up. Start thinking a little more. Stop being so blind, stop swallowing mouthfuls without chewing first. This thing about the public having a negative perception of my institutions isn't exclusive to these two cases, either. The public's perception of my junior college is improving, but still not the best. Party school. Rich assholes. Ragging incident and toilet saga all over the papers. The media loves us because the public hates us. I didn't have the best impression of the school myself - until school started. ACJC isn't perfect, but I definitely don't regret making it my home. The same applies to my university and my church. I know what I've experienced in each of these places, and I can't see myself anywhere else.

I stand firm in my decisions and beliefs because I have thought things through myself. These questions that people fire. I've gone through them in my head before they talked to me about the issues. I am, after all, a thinker. Choosing to stand by the institutions is a decision I've made after a lot of pondering. That's why I'm standing strong now - my beliefs are founded on something solid, after all that deliberation.

But the fire, the arrows, of course they still hurt. You commit your life to these things, and people continue to shoot those arrows; they don't believe in what you've committed yourself to - what you've decided to call your home, your family - and they choose to attack instead of support.

Stick to those who choose to pray instead. Find those who support, who continue to prove to you what you already know, and who help to protect you against what's unnecessary. You might even want to confront those who hold the arrows. If they're willing to listen, and you're willing to hear out each other's views, go for it. In all things, stay in the atmosphere of love and care. Seek only to build up, and focus on those who seek only to build up too.

This is such a badly-structured post. I'm sorry. It's because this entire post went off-track from the second paragraph. I shall start anew. New post!

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