You know.

'And I looked in her eyes and I saw her soul. Beautiful sad eyes. But we both couldn't stop smiling. I could've hugged her for an hour. It was bliss just being there, just looking at her. That was the first time I said "I love you"'.


You do know the uncontainable, bursting sweetness, sheer sweetness and the amazing beauty of love in its honeymoon phase. The first few months. The time you don't care what the world thinks, because you're the luckiest luckiest kid on earth. Everything's just so beautifully sweet.

Do you also know of the arguments that ensue, the wondering why you're doing this, the pain and the wish for things to be normal again? The little questions in your head, 'why', 'what if'. The inability to shake off the pain after a fight. Or, worse still, feeling like you just don't care.

Doing your homework or on MSN with a friend while on the other side of the line, she can't stop crying.

Do you also know the screaming heartbreak, realizing you're all alone now, the crying every night and swollen eyes in the morning that you try to conceal with laughter? The little things that remind you of the love you once had - a song, or two, or the entire friggin' range of Mandarin songs; a corner in school; a straw heart - and then you wish the pain was a stone you could pull out of your heart and throw far away. You want to rip your heart out. Breaking down randomly. Seeing her face one day and realizing you can't even bring yourself to say hi; you'd start crying. Wondering what you can do to fill that gaping, screaming, sucking hole.

Wondering if you'd ever be loved in the same way again.