The work of the Holy Spirit

I was trembling even at the aisle, while waiting for my turn to go forward. I prayed in the Spirit, I prayed really hard, really fast, all about the same thing. I knew that this time, I wanted it to happen.

The first time I had witnessed slaying close-up was during a prayer meeting at the Riverwalk. It traumatised me and I remember crying and wanting to be anywhere but there at that time. Jason prayed for me, Xiaoxuan hugged me, but I just cried. It was all just too much to bear for someone who was very new to the concept of charismatic worship. I hadn't been to church since I was eleven, and that was Sunday School in St. Andrew's Cathedral. Before City Harvest, I didn't even know Tongues really existed in the modern world; I didn't know slaying was actually possible. When it was my turn to be laid hands on, I grew so frightened I prayed that he would go away. I closed myself off from God completely; I just wanted to leave.

I've blogged about the time I responded to the altar call during an Asia Conference service. I felt myself swaying, my hands trembling, weightlessness in my lifted arms. And then I let fear control me - I prayed for it to stop. I was so angry at myself for that. God was letting me experience Him and I let my fear push Him away.

So this time, I told myself I wouldn't be afraid. I would commit myself wholly to Him, I wouldn't let fear close me off from Him, I would put my life in His arms and know He will protect me.

I wasn't going to let my fear stand in the way.

We shuffled down the aisles. I wasn't with Huiting, Shirley and Julia anymore; thank goodness Willie was still beside me. Willie, don't leave me, please stay by my side, I don't want to be alone. As brave as I was trying to be, I needed a friend around. Don't leave my side.

Then we got to the front and things became hectic. The helpers were pushing us back, keeping us away from those who were already on the floor. Then they slowly got up and moved away, and then one of the helpers told me to fill an empty spot in front of me. I looked back. I didn't want to be separated from Willie. I didn't want to be alone.

Thank goodness there was Huiting beside me. Thank you, God, for blessing me with the comfort of my friends every step of the way.

The time had come. I just prayed and prayed, occasionally glancing a look at the screen to see people falling to the floor. I prayed for Him to help me here, for myself not to hold back. I wanted to experience Him in a new way today.

I saw a pair of shoes coming, and I closed my eyes and prayed.

I don't remember feeling his hand on my head, I don't remember losing balance. All I remember is that I was still praying in Tongues when I was almost on the floor, with a pair of hands supporting me from behind. Then I got up and went back to my aisle. While the rest of the people were getting laid hands on, we prayed in our seats. Well this was a start. God never fails, He never holds us back from him - it's us, it's us who shy away and subconsciously refuse His gift and presence.

Don't hold back. Don't worry. It'll be okay.