I really regret not asking Wei Liang to go, and not persuading Hyun who would probably have gone if I told him that the other Elects were going to be there. It was fantastic. Praise and Worship was awesome. The testimonies shared - stories of how God healed a guy and transformed the lives of non-believers and one who used to persecute Christians - were fantastic, had me on the verge of tears a couple of times. The pastor of Wesley Methodist Church gave a great message too.
Is all you do really for God or for yourself? Don't do just what you want to do; do what God has set you out to do. It seems like a simple enough statement, but something even those who think themselves to be "righteous" and "faithful" could fall short of. Sometimes we think we're doing all we can for God when we drown ourselves in good work and stuff... but one thing more important than sacrificing time for God is spending time with God. You could be busy evangelizing and being in the youth band... but what if these aren't what God wants you to do? If He wants you to reach out to a lonely, spiritually empty girl in class people tend to avoid, and you ignore God's calling and do everything else, you may be working for Him but in the end you've still failed Him.
Sometimes, to serve God you don't have to do "as much as possible" - rather, it'd be good to focus on something you think He wants you to do, pray about it, and do that job to the best of your ability, with His guidance.
At this point in time when he was talking I felt a slight nagging at my conscience - Dance. I know that by being willing to participate in the YOG performance, I'll have to be really committed to Dance for the next month and won't be able to commit as much to Council until it's over. I have a lot to be responsible for in Council and if there's Dance next Thursday, the whole Exco will have to shift the timing for our meeting just because of me. In addition, I've got KidsRead every fortnightly Tuesday but I think it won't be that much of a problem because I hope I'll just be a little late for it at most (and Laura's in both too anyway).
But.... I don't know. I know I probably won't dance again after I quit AC Dance and I won't get to dance in another SYF or AC Dance concert. And I've been wishing for the chance to be a part of the YOG in any way and I guess this might be my last chance to REALLY dance ever and I know it will be awesome. And I'm still more than willing to stay committed to Dance until I really can't take the stress from having three CCAs anymore.
I digress.
Anyway, when Passion AC was coming to a close, the pastor asked for people who felt they had been slipping away from God and wanted to come back to Him and doing things for the purpose of serving Him again to come to the front of the hall and be prayed for by some 34th Councillors and CFers. And I went, not because I felt I had been slipping away but because at that point in time I was suddenly struck by a realisation. I finally understood why God had placed me in the Council Exco as the head of Public Relations. I saw how my role as PR head could be a great tool to serve Him, and then I knew that this role was something God gave me for His purpose.
I mean, I know we always say that ultimately, whatever we do is for Him, but it's so, so easy to lose track of that meaning. When we said "We lift the Dance concert into Your hands" a month ago, it was something we knew we needed God for and all, but how was the concert really for God? Of course, there are many ways in which it could be for God - to stir a kid's interest to come to AC in the future and be influenced by the Christians and morning Devotions here; to strengthen someone's friendship with a Dancer (and strengthened / established friendships can always work for God's purpose) etc. - and I think it began to lose its meaning for me when I wanted everything I did to be a part of His plan but didn't really see how things like being in Dance or Council would serve His purpose.
And this PR thing just struck me. I saw how I, as the Head of Public Relations - the subcomm that's in charge of creating the image of Council, making AC a memorable experience for the students and bridging the gap between the students and teachers - could really use this as a tool to serve God in great, great ways. I truly understood from the core of my heart that this position was really given to me by God, and for His purpose. When you see how something can be used for His purpose, you know it isn't by chance. I understood that I had the potential of being used by our sovereign God in great ways with what He has given me.
After months of praying for everything to be good in Dance and Council but not knowing how it would relate to God much anyway, this was a striking revelation that freed me.
And when I went forward with the intention of asking one of the 34th Council Exco members to pray for me - because they'd understand - I was approached by someone from CF instead, but it was alright. I ended up breaking down when I told her about how I finally understood that God had chosen me to be in this position for His purpose and I really wanted to use it to serve Him. I think I just really needed to speak my thoughts out, because saying it aloud was my mind's way of confirming it.
After the little praying session, we sang Consuming Fire, and that did it for me. I know the song because the Councillors sang it during June Camp - the days we felt like dying - and the awesome Exco retreat, and it was so incredibly apt that I was singing it now because wanting to use my position in Council completely for His purpose was the only thing on my mind. I know that in Council I can work for Him, and that's where God wants me to serve Him.
I still really want to be in the YOG performance though. Well let's see how things go.
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