Apr 29, 2010

Deep Thought

Do you realise that most people are so different from who they seem to be? In fact, a lot of us are the complete opposite on the outside from who we are on the inside.

She seems blur and very innocent but is actually very much in the know; she's just being cautious. He behaves like one of those jock jerks but is actually so emotional and a sucker for sweet romance. She's so laid-back and boisterous but is actually very insecure and desperately afraid of friendlessness.

She's laughing crazily - and then it sounds a bit exaggerated. And then suddenly tears start flowing and she's bawling her heart out. And then she admits that the first thought that came to her mind when she saw 'that sharp thing' was to put it to her neck. And I know I can't do anything to stem the flow of black, black tears and stifle the wails of weeks of torment and the loneliness of having even all her best friends joining the movement against her and her mother only adding to the hurt.
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I've come to realise that a lot of us actually appear to be the opposite of who we really are on the inside. You want to cover up your insecurities - not just for others, but more so for yourself, and replace them with who you wish to be - a you without those particular insecurities at all. In trying to change that aspect of us sometimes we go a little overboard - that hole you were trying to fill up is now too full. From hole to flat ground to a molehill - you bring your insecurity to the other extreme. For example, the guy everyone thinks is an insensitive, rowdy, immature jerk is actually one who reflects deeply, who would die for a sweet kiss under the moonlight.

If I were to be myself... I would read up on and talk freely about philosophy, environmental issues, astronomy and my own thoughts, thoughts like these; things most people don't have the slightest interest in discussing. (Whoever's actually reading this, thank you.)

I wouldn't laugh on cue at things others find funny - because I usually don't find them funny - but I'd laugh like crazy at the slightest, randomest-seeming things, because it's those that are really hilarious to me somehow. I guess I'm weird that way.

I would...sing Justin Bieber's and Taylor Swift's and JJ's and Leehom's songs and jump on the canteen table as and when I feel like it. I would sit on the classroom floor when I feel like it. I would hyperventilate every two minutes. I would randomly get up and start jumping and waving my hands in the air because I'm tired of sitting.

I really would, you know. What am I like now?

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