Mar 20, 2009

Please lah, you're anything but innocent, let alone saintly -.-

Doesn't it feel weird?

You spend a few years with this person, your very good friend, who really loves all her friends and is kinda innocent and lovely, who can somehow drag you away from the real world and bring you to a private world with her, where there's only laughter, and there are no troubles. Basically, a real, true, pure friendship.

And then one day you realise she's grown up; she's experienced the beauty of infatuation, or love; suddenly, friendship isn't the most important thing in her life, because she's experienced love. When she talks to you, she talks about someone else. When you do things together, you know deep down that she'd rather be with that someone else.

You're genuinely interested in the things that happen in her life and you really want to be there for her and you truly are happy for her, but at the same time, there's this little bit of reluctancy to let go, this little pain in your heart, because you know someone's taken over your position in her life, you know you aren't the most important person to her anymore, you know all her care and concern has gone to that someone else.

It's beautiful, to see an innocent, close friend grow up and realise the beauty of love; to realise the change in her. It's beautiful to think about. It's also a bit painful at the same time. To realise that when we grow up, we'll all be married to some other people and these friendships may just disappear, or not mean as much to us anymore.

First it was Sumay, then Cuixiao, then you. It's weird. Did you feel that way when you found out about my relationship? I wonder if anyone else felt that way about me.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about? :/


My baby;
thinking about our first few months makes me feel like crying because they was so sweet.
The first few months; when everything was still perfect like a fairytale, when there were still no arguments, when just the thought of seeing each other made our hearts flutter. When you played with my hair my heart would sing; when you kissed me lightly on the cheek I'd melt.

The days we sat at your desk playing Runescape, and how I'd hold the mouse but lose my direction in the game and then you'd put your hand over mine to guide me. And we'd continue like that for hours. I didn't like Runescape, but I loved you. I was too shy to hold your hand then, and Runescape gave me an excuse.

The first time you kissed me on the cheek six days before our first month (which was also six days before I had to leave for Japan); all the feeling that went into that was overwhelming. You said that was when you realised how much you loved me and how much you didn't want me to go. That little kiss on the cheek was the first time my heart seemed to melt in honey, it was when I realised the true meaning of "My heart melted".

Our first kiss; that totally humiliating incident. Hahaha. Maybe I'll talk more about it another day. I still remember the date: Dec 19 '07. Man it's so funny looking back at that day. Stupid immature us, wanting to express our love but not knowing how.

Looking back makes me so nostalgic. Now we argue, now we cry so much, get hurt all the time, but I know I can't let you go. I know you mean too much to me for me to be able to let you go. Our love's developed and become so strong. I love you.

My life has been completely transformed in the span of 509 days (and counting). About a year and a half (so far). I love you (:

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