IT WAS GREAT! (:
Well, I didn't break down today, for one. I'm beginning to be stronger already I think? Not as affected by the issues that used to make me cry out of insecurity and confusion everytime there was a CHC event/meeting anymore.Well, I don't know what it means. That's one way of looking at it. The other way would be that God doesn't touch me as much as He used to. CHOY CHOY CHOY CHOY CHOY! I really hope that's not the case. And I'm trying much harder now, I'm growing now I think, I reflect on my Christian life much more than I used to before also.
K anyway. Had SS remedial till 5.30, SHIQI AND JOLYNN WERE 2/3 OF THE TUTORS! WOW WOW WOW I MISS MY DANCE SENIORS! *squeals* K, and I didn't think I'd make it to CHC but I did! Met Jt, then Janice and Grace at Boon Lay at around 6.45?
Today we were supposed to go in our school uniforms and Willie suggested for us to wear ties too. I took a candid shot of Willie in his uniform! Kinda weird seeing him in uniform. Saunders too. He wore specs today haha very geekily cute and quite different from what he usually looked like without specs (although I think people were thinking the same about me and my specs), I wish I'd taken a photo.
And the most amazing thing happened! Will elaborate about my previous invitation-to-CHC post later. GERALDINE NG from Dance (Sec 2) happened to be sitting only 2 seats away from me! So later Jason changed seat and I switched places with Jt and took the seat beside her. (: Our convo was EXTREMELY embarrassing, forgive me Geraldine!
Me: You're Rui Ying, right?
G: No, Rui Ying migrated to Australia! (!!!!!)
Me: o.o ... You're not the sec 1, right? (because a Sec One told me she's in CHC too)
G: NO?!! D:
Me: *desperate* What's your name?
G: Geraldine.
Me: OH! GERALDINE WONG! :D
G: NOOOO, GERALDINE NG!!! D:
Me: *covers face in humiliation*
Haha.
GUESS WHAT
XUELING LAOSHI LED THE FIRST TWO SONGS WOOHOOO! It was great and everything, I felt enthu! Previously, I took time to get used to the "enthu" atmosphere and needed time to "warm up" and everything, but this time I immediately got ready for praise!
The slow songs were great too. Everything felt good I guess. And when the people started to pray in tongues, I didn't get confused or irritated or upset, instead I did something I was proud to do - pray for them and thank God that they were close to Him. And I knew we all have our own way of worshipping Him, and no matter what He can hear our prayers, so it doesn't really matter if you aren't doing what everyone else does! We all have our unique way of praying, and He touches us in lots of different ways too.
There's this CHC cheerleading team thing, I thought they were cool and their stunts were great, but.. children of God shouldn't dress like that! Especially in God's house of worship! D:
And there was this very cute skit put up by the drama team. The "mother"'s dressing looked a lot like Mrs Eugenia Lim's. :D (Geraldine thought so too)
Pastor Zhuang's preaching was.. well, I felt a little awkward listening to this sitting beside a junior, but well the stuff he said was very relevant to me. And they were stuff I'd been confused over for quite a long time. And well today I've decided! I will change myself for God. And I will try my very best. I don't want it to just become another empty, forgotten promise. This is a promise I'm making to God; I will try my very best. (Not stating my resolution here.) But I need His help, of course. Without His help it'd be impossible.
I'm pretty glad that today I was all ready for worship. Even more glad that I wasn't so affected by what used to affect me a lot too. Oh and I witnessed slaying again, but this time it was far away from me, at the bottom of the stage where Pastor Zhuang told all the Student ICs or something like that to gather. I saw it from the screen, him laying his hands on the people one by one, and everyone falling. Well I'm sorry but the dead flies expression still stands for me. I know it's slaying lah! But still.
And I didn't feel that affected really. It scared me a bit, but I felt very different from how I felt during the prayer meeting. I prayed and I thanked God that these people were close to Him. And I knew that well, I wasn't close to him yet but my time would come one day. I know that my longing for him would be satisfied one day, that He knows I want badly to be closer to Him.
Now, I'm not really very worked up over the I-want-to-be-as-close-to-God-too thing, the thing that got me very confused and angry and upset all the time. Because we all have a future in Christ mapped out for us already, if we are ready to accept that future when it comes, that is.And.. I feel myself growing in God, bit by bit. I take more time than some others, but so what? Sometimes, faith grows in doubt, God comes to you when you're weak. And my trust & faith in him is growing slowly, but surely. And well, I
know that one day I'll be very close to God. And it doesn't mean that just because you can speak in tongues/praise loudly you're close to God! It's so much more than that. And I want to concentrate on the "more than that" aspects more. That's what matters more anyway! Compare a prostitute who can speak in tongues and worships God with fire when she's in church but doesn't think about her christian life at all outside of church, with a normal schoolgirl who doesn't have spiritual gifts and is conservative about her faith but is devoted to the Commandments and fulfilling His word. Which do you think God would be happier with?
And well, nobody said they could go with me, but yesterday night I was thinking about it and praying that, well, I didn't really know if it'd be a good idea to bring a friend along because I might feel very awkward when singing and stuff, and so I told God to make the desicion, and I wouldn't pray for people to come to me but neither would I pray that nobody would come (obviously).
Your will be done, not mine! And I think it was good that nobody went with me. I
would have felt very awkward.
So, everything's cool. (:
LOVE LOVE LOVE!
P.S. Geraldine and I are thinking of starting a tiny Crescent-CHC group for people who are both in CGS and CHC. Motivated by what Pastor Zhuang said! We would start out small but we'd be a powerful small group, and we WILL grow (: